Courtship Is For Change!

 ©Evangelist Kemi Longe

I was at a marriage seminar at Iree in Osun state to minister this last weekend.
And after the ministration, this question came in,  which we can also gain from:
I am in a relationship already and I have prayed and I'm sure of God's leading.  But my partner who also was  convinced of divine leading,  just became uninterested after some time.  He has changed so much to me.  What can I do?

A lot of things can cause discouragement in courtship. Courtship time is to discover who you are. You both come from different backgrounds and so brought up with different ideas. In courtship you must be prepared to change and shift ground on so many things.  It is a time to agree and disagree on so many things.  It is therefore a time to talk. If you are not pleased with something, then you have to discuss it. 

Don't be so desperate to keep a relationship working when you are not pleased with some issues because you don't want your partner to be angry or leave you.  If you do, you are trading your future joy.  It is a time to reach a compromise on so many issues. If your partner is correcting you over an issue and you refuse to change it can lead to disagreement and discouragements.

Receiving a marriage partner does not guarantee marriage. It is just the beginning of a journey to marriage.  It is therefore not a time to go to bed but a time to work actively towards a good future home. It is only in the area of sin that you can disagree completely with a partner. If a partner want you to be committing sin,  and you disagree,  and on that premises if he or she choose to go.  Let it be!

But on a good premises you have to work on your excess and change.  While you were alone,  you may think you are just OK and perfect, may be because no one is taking a critical look at you. Courtship time is a time to clamp down on your excesses.


 I was in courtship when still schooling,  and hubby will always complain about my short skirts,  In his own idea, my skirts were too short for him.  I had no option then, than to drop my short skirts. I also corrected so many things in him too. 

Hubby is a seasoned programmer,  he will sit with his desk top for hours, coding,  he is so much used to this that he will do it even when I came on a visit.  I had to tell him,  this your computer can no longer be your wife, at least when I'm around give me full attention. He had no choice too.  He corrected himself. I could be late for a programme like anything,  but hubby hate standing at your door waiting,  you may end up going alone or meeting him at the event. Right in courtship, I learnt that.  And now I could dress up for an event in moments even earlier than him.  And now I'm always the one waiting for him to dress up. We adjusted for one another in so many ways. 

I so much love locust bean in my food.  Hubby hate the sight, talk less of the odour. For him I found a way to adjust.


Love must make you to adjust for one another. Your own cases  may be different, but you must definitely be ready to change some things if you want your courtship lead to marriage.  Courtship time is for talking,  don't bottle up things that will generate problems in your future home.



So many young people are making excuses for their shortcomings in courtship, that, they don't know what to talk about. And, as a result of that, the only thing that is available to do is romance and sex, which can damage their marital pursuit.


So many marriages are having problems today because they fail to talk the right thing while in courtship. They substitute their talking period for sex and other related acts. Fewer problems you will have in marriage if you have quality talking in courtship.


Naturally you will find out so many things about your partner as, you walk together, but you can discuss on issues that may arise in future to know what you both approve and reach a compromise on them. You can talk about your visions. Some men believe that a woman must depend on them and must follow their own vision alone,  right from courtship my hubby knows I have a call of God upon my life and both of us plan together how we can move our visions. 



Discuss your goals and visions,  talk about your backgrounds, your weakness, expected roles of both individuals in the marriage: His roles as husband and father and her roles as wife mother of your children. Number of children,  spacing child birth,  spiritual beliefs and convictions, church to attend after marriage,  involvement of in-laws and parental influence, health, friendship with opposite sex and same sex friendships,  past life, dressing,  outfits and outlooks,  personal philosophies, type of financial account to keep, your carrier life in home, type of job to take up, base or location after marriage, living separately if situation warrant or call for it,  and so many other things that could generate problems in future.



 You cannot end these in courtship, it will always come up.  They are not definitely discussion for weeks or months,  they will run through the courtship period and also continue in marriage and you grow in understanding one another.



As situations and environment is bringing more up, discuss them and reach a compromise on them. Other issues that may cause discouragement are:
emotional,  spirituality, and physical maturity. These deals with ways we react and handle issues when they arise. I had a serious problem in this area when I was courting. 



I may be brooding over something hubby did not even notice.  Instead of me to talk, I will not.  I will be moody for days,  waiting for him to notice. This is very  immature. I may even continue brooding after he begged me.  But on his own part, he was so understanding and more matured. He will always take things calmly until I realised I was been childish.


 Relationship is for matured minds. Everyone will not be the same.  For some, they will get tired. You must be matured in and out if you really want your relationship end up in marriage. If you don't handle matters with enough maturity, discouragement may set in from your partner's end.


God will help us in achieving and realising  our dreams and desires in Jesus name.
Shalom!


 *©Evangelist Kemi Longe*